Kristina’s Laws of Petty Grievances
What goes up must come down. All good things must come to an end. If something can go wrong, it will. We’ve heard ‘em. And now, I’m adding to them. I call these Kristina’s laws. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
1. If you think you forgot to lock the door/turn off the oven/unplug the curling iron, and you race home to check, you are wasting your time. You did do this thing and you are just losing your mind.
2. Despite close inspection, if you don’t wipe the public toilet seat before you sit on it, you will sit on pee.
3. If you have only a short connection time between flights and you are concerned that your luggage won’t make it, fear not. Both you and your luggage will miss the flight.
4. Regardless of materials used, if you want your new jeans to give after wearing, they won’t. And conversely, if you don’t want them to stretch, they will totally bag out in all the wrong places.
5. If you buy those expensive shoes now, you will find them on sale later. If you don’t buy them now, they won’t have your size when they do go on sale.
6. The day that you run out to the store in your rattiest sweat pants and greasiest hair is the very day you will run into your ex.
7. If you can’t find the keys, check the front door. You left them in the lock overnight.
8. Diligently plugging your meter for years is no protection against a parking ticket the one time you’re 5 minutes late to your car.
9. If you are only carrying one pooh bag, your dog will go twice.
10. If your appointment is between 2-5, the repairman will come at 5:05. But if you try to run a quick errand beforehand, he will show up at 1:45.
11. If you bring a sweater, it will be 40 degrees Celsius. If you don’t pack one, you’ll freeze your butt off and locals will tell you it’s the coldest it’s been in a decade.
Exceptions to these rules do occur. If they do, give great thanks to the gods of daily grievances that you’ve dodged a bullet. This time.
